A Confession

Good afternoon. How is Tuesday treating you? I am G-O-O-D! I can honestly say that I am already feeling body pump…really I must have the weakest triceps ever because I am always immediately sore! Oh well…means t is working and who wouldn’t love that?!

Okay…confession time. This is a deeply personal topic for me and lately it has been weighing on me BIG TIME! So Here goes. Do you feel like the people’s blogs you follow religiously are your friends? Averie posted about this last week…asking us how we define friendships. I can honestly say that I do consider “you” to be my friends. I think about “you” when I am making choices about working out, food, fashion, etc. And I love that…and no shame! You are my friend even if we haven’t ever met or spoken on the phone! Too bad…sorry…you’re stuck with me! 🙂 And it is with friends, that I share this. I don’t consider myself a runner. This girl…yup a runner. Her? Yes she is too. Oh and her and her and her and him…all runners. Me…I don’t see it. I don’t see anything that I do as amazing or spectacular…it is just something I do. End of story. I HATE THAT! I want to look at myself and think “runner” and I want to look at my race accomplishments and think “runner” and I want to give myself permission to think I am good. Not just okay…but good. I want to see it. I want to taste it. I want to believe it.

Does this surprise you?

I love to run. Love it. Love it. Love it. I truly feel at peace when I run and I truly feel like a million bucks when I finish. And every so often the thought crosses my mind that maybe I am pretty good at this running thing. But I guess what is hard is that I am not a “professional” and so I have a hard time considering myself a runner. But what is so ironic is that all the fabulous people I mentioned before aren’t professionals either. So how come, in my mind,  they get to be considered runners but I don’t? Is it me holding myself to a standard that is both impossible and unrealistic? YES! Is it me self doubting on myself? YES! Does it drive me (and Keith) crazy? YES! How do I change that way of thinking? I DON’T KNOW!!!

Does anyone else struggle with holding themselves to standards that they don’t apply to other people?

Shamelessly, soliciting for advice!

66 Responses

  1. Ok, if you’re not a runner then I don’t know what to consider a runner! You are consistently logging double digit runs almost every morning at what I consider a very fast pace! I think you are way to hard on yourself. You definitely need to start considering yourself a runner.

  2. I’m actually very surprised. I totally consider you a runner and am always so inspired by your mileage. I want so badly to enjoy running like that!!

    And as for holding myself to standards – I’m the worst. I set myself up for failure all the time with the crazy standards I have. Yet, I don’t necessarily hold others to those crazy standards. What gives? Sorry, no advice!

  3. It may be a little strange for a new blogger but I think we all understand considering each other a close support system of friends.

    Glad ya like body pump!

    About your standards question… I definetly do that. I think maybe everyone does in certain ways.

  4. Kelly, you’re a runner. I don’t care what you think. Really, anyone who runs even only a mile a day on a treadmill at the gym is a runner. But I view you as a hard-core runner. It’s something that defines who you are—why not use it to describe you? I do understand what you mean, though. I always hold myself to stricter standards than I hold others. But you, my friend? You’re a runner!

  5. If I’m a runner, you’re a runner too! In fact, anyone who just gets generally excited about it I think can take on the title. I haven’t even ran a race yet! I just do it for fun so far, but why shouldn’t there be meaning in hobby?

  6. i definitely consider you a runner kelly!!! comparing ourselves in any area is just no bueno…it’s like comparing apples to oranges! you’re perfect the way you are! and you don’t need any labels!

  7. You are a runner, in fact you are the runner I look to for inspiration! I consider my slow 3-milers to make me a runner, so you are too. In fact you are a pretty great one 🙂

  8. thank you. i think of you as a friend too 🙂

    i would classify you as runner. I never saw this one coming. i would call myself a jogger.

  9. To be honest, I only find that people I interact with (like you, for instance) on blogs, to be friends. Otherwise I just feel like stalking lol. Perhaps it’s because I rarely comment if I don’t get a friendly response/reply from when I do. Some blogs are quite popular and I read but rarely comment because I figured I won’t get noticed and make friends 😦 JUST LIKE REAL LIFEEEEEE WAA!! lol kidding.

    I don’t consider myself a runner, even though I’d like to. I love how I feel after I run. I just don’t like doing it. Probably because I’ve only ran on a treadmill before and just get bored, so I do intervals and try to keep myself interested by watching my personal TV at the gym.

    Funny (well, not technically funny) how you don’t find yourself a runner yet you run miles and mileeeess each day! I’d love to be as fast as you. If I were that motivated.. hehe

    • I am the same way…the people I interact with seem like my friends. But isn’t is odd that we think of another as friends but we haven’t ever heard each other’s voice?! haha! I always am curious as to what people sound like!

      • I love the stalker part! Sometimes, I start thinking “my friend so-and-so…” and then I have to kind of come back to reality and I’m just like… she’s never even responded to me! Stalker, not friend. 🙂 lol.

        As for the voice thing, Caitlin from Healthy Tipping Point has a deeper voice than I expected and Meghann from Inner Workings has a higher pitched voice than I imagined lol.
        It’s kind of weird to have one thing made up in your mind and then meet the person! Soooo different sometimes!

  10. Aww thanks so much for calling me a runner, but I share your sentiments. I may read Runner’s World, run a bunch of races, and blog about all my runs, but I always feel like I don’t measure up.

    Hey – the way i see it is that there is always going to be someone out there faster than me, more committed and who succeeds at running seemingly without even trying. And yes, I am jealous of those people. But I know deep down that I’m a runner in my own right – maybe not meeting their standards, but my own. And watching all the other amazing runners only makes me want to push harder.

    I definitely consider you a runner – and a very speedy one at that!!

  11. oh hunny, you’re a runner if i’ve ever seen one.

  12. Of all the blogs I read, when I think “runner blogger,” YOU pop into my mind. For realsies.

    And I consider you my friend too 🙂

  13. Girlfriend, you are just plain crazy! If I’m a runner (and thank you very much for indulging that fantasy of mine) then you are a SUPER runner! You are a runner b/c you run. Fast. And in races! And when the weather isn’t absolutely perfect. And when you’re not quite feeling it. And most importantly, you run b/c you know how wonderful it makes you feel and how much you enjoy it. I think THAT is what makes a runner. A runner isn’t just someone who runs, or even runs fast. A runner is someone who identifies running as an important part of her life and that, my dear, is YOU!

  14. Wow, nice post! I consider blog friends as my friends…definitely! Seriously, I think the people that go to my blog actually understand my way of thinking better than people I know face to face. I think we have a different kind of bond! Now, as far as running…I am not a runner (I am an avid exerciser, but not a runner), but I would have thought you were. Fun or not, it is something that you love to do. I completely understand holding myself to different standards, I do that with everything. don’t be so hard on your self…friend!

  15. Girl, you are a runner! Anyone who runs more than 10 miles a week, is a runner in my book. Guess what?! You run 10 miles in day not a week!! Which means you are an AMAZING runner. And I just checked your times, they are unbelievable!!

  16. First of all, I am so honored that you and I are FRIENDS!! I think about you and all the other fabulous bloggie friends I’ve made often throughout the day and it’s like I have your supportive words going through my head even when I feel no one else understands or cares about things I go through.

    Next, GIRL, are you crazy??!! Of course you’re a runner!!!!!!! And if you’re not, then I don’t know what that makes me!!!!! My philosophy is once a runner, always a runner. I may not run as often as I used to, but I still have the same love for it and it makes me so happy!! Stop bein so hard on yourself, my lovely friend… I’ve said it before, you are a running ROCKSTAR!!!!!!!!!! 🙂

  17. That IS surprising! Even though I have not known you that long, if someone asked me to name blooger, I would blurt out: KELLY!!!!!

    Yes, the standards. I used to be hard on myself. I am still getting better all the time. It is all about realizing it and actively changing the thoughts when they do occur. I think blogging helped me even more. 🙂

  18. I went surfing one time, and I called myself a surfer for a year! Yet, I have been doing research on birds for almost a decade, and have been in graduate school for 5 years, and I still cringe when I write that I am a “scientist”, thinking that I am calling myself something that I am not, and that some real scientist will call me on it. So, yeah. I get it. I wish I had some wise words for you, but it is all about high standards, I think. And that we see ourselves in a different light than others see us. I see you, and I think that is a VERY HAPPY RUNNER. But you are much more than that also, and I think defining yourself as one thing is where the pressure comes into play. You run, therefore you are a runner.

    And you are my friend, whether you like it or not! 😀

  19. You are definately a runner, no doubt about it, hands down! You runner girl!

  20. I absolutely consider all my bloggies my friends. It’s like I know you!
    ANd you are an awesome RUNNER! Fantastic! I’ve told you that before, but I think well feel that away about ourselves sometimes. Atleast, I know I do.
    Anyone that can hammar out all those miles and feel fantastic and love every minute of it is DEFINATELY a runner. It takes something really special to be a runner, and I know you’ve got. I DONT! lol I brag about you to all my coworkers all the time. I’m like, look at this blogger, she has run a million miles…haha. They are all amazed.


  21. You are a true definition of a runner because you are dedicated, good, and PASSIONATE!

  22. I definitely definitely consider you a runner.
    However, I think we ALL do this to ourselves in areas of our lives. We’ll consider people the same size as us “skinny” and then still say we feel/look fat. We think all our friends are smart, but can’t admit when we are…
    This is just our culture and how we are taught to be. But it’s not a good way to be because we are so hard on ourselves. I don’t know how to help you believe you are a runner, but I hope you can because you definitely ARE a runner 🙂

    • Very true….it is funny because I rarely compare myself to other people. But I am always comparing myself to myself. If that makes sense. Like I am always trying to better myself…run fatser, cook better, study harder…you know? The worst part about being in competition with yourself is that you never win!

  23. Hi FRIEND!! 🙂 (LOVE that declaration of friendship you made!)…this post came at a time in which I can REALLY relate! I’m sorta stuck in a transitioning mode between who I WAS and who I AM…there’s no question in my mind that I was a swimmer…but NOW…i donno! a swimmer or biker or runner…? I can’t decide! I have been going back and forth between caring if I have a TITLE for MYSELF or just letting my legs be themselves and rock out at all three activities.
    I don’t think anyone can tell YOU what YOU are…because the decision must come from within YOU in order for you to believe it!
    I kinda feel a little stress to decide who I am, because I blog about so many different methods of workin’ out….but right now I donno, so I’m just ME..(a CARDIO-running-swimmin’-biking-FREAK!) 🙂
    Having the self-declared title of RUNNER wont make you more or less AMAZING and beautiful inside and out than you all ready are….so don’t stress about it! I keep telling myself that deep down my inner turmoil of what kind of athlete I am will eventually surface (maybe a tri-athlete!…hehehe see soooo many choices~!)
    You are a FABulous chica and your awesome blogposts reflect this…thank you for bringing this topic to surface because it’s definitely something i’ve been thinking about too! I’m sorry I don’t have any black/white advice!!!
    -lurveeee you girlie! ~xoxo!

  24. I definitely think of you as a runner. You like to run and you are fast! Seriously, sometimes what you talk about as an easy pace is a pace that I couldn’t even run a mile at! I think that there are always going to be people that make it look easier, people that are faster and people that just run more. It’s all subjective. If you like to run and you do it regularly, you are a runner. Plus, you’re super fast anyway!

  25. Oh my Kelly, I understand where you are coming from. But, you, my dear, are a runner in every sense of the term. You love running. You love racing. You regularly run. And you are blazing fast.

    And honestly, you are not just a runner, but an FANTASTIC RUNNER.

    I myself, struggle with calling myself a marathoner or a triathlete, when I know I’m not a top Age Grouper right now. And I tell myself that I can call myself a triathlete when I start winning things. But that’s silly. And if I love those activities and I do them, then I can label myself as such.

    • I had a feeling you would get this, Pen. I think of you as a runner and as an Ironperson (:)) We are all just too freaking hard on ourselves!!

  26. Well…I guess this begs the question: What do you consider yourself? If you’re not a runner, what are you? Are you a participant of another sport? How do you define yourself?

    For example, in HS, I played tennis. I was a tennis player. In college, I played ice-hockey. I was a hockey player. Now, I’m a triathlete and I’m hoping to become an Ironman. Then, I hope to become a mother and maintain my triathlete definition. I also consider myself a teacher. Soon, I’ll be a wife.

    Who are you? Obviously, you are a wife, a daughter, a sister. You are a friend. You are a lover of health and nutrition. What do you want to become?

    Also…on that blogging friend topic…I sometimes feel like I my blogger “friends” are better for me than my flesh and blood friends. My friends who live near me can sometimes really bring me down. They are human…they have bad days. They can be negative sometimes. Bloggers can be negative sometimes too but they always change their situation or try to make an improvement. It seems like many of my “real” friends just sit around and complain. I usually cut off ties with people like that but I’m worried that I go through friends too quickly. As soon as someone I know starts to affect my life negatively, I usually ease them out of my life. Is that bad??

    I think I’m a better blogger friend.

    • Oh Jen…that was great! I guess we all get so caught up in labels…but really we are who we want to become…you are so right! And dang it I WANT to be considered a runner! 🙂

    • I agree with Jen. We define ourselves in many ways – by activities, relationships, interests, etc. I absolutely consider you a runner – it’s a HUGE part of your life and clearly a joy for you.

    • Regarding the last paragraph—I couldn’t have said this better!

  27. Oh my gosh…thank you SO much for posting this because I COMPLETELY understand the friend thing. My feelings actually get “hurt” when I have a day with low views. I feel as though my friends don’t like me anymore. Anyway, this isn’t about me. I told you before that you are like my BFF of blogs and I meant it! 😉 I know that if no one else cares about my day or what I ate, I’ll always see a comment from you and it makes my day. You made joining the blogging community a little less scary. And as far as being a runner, GIRL, if you’re not a runner, I don’t love ketchup. YOU are what keeps me on the treadmill every day, gritting my teeth and running up those inclines. You run OUTRAGEOUS speeds that I could only dream of. Honestly, you don’t need to be “professional”. You need to be YOU. And YOU are FABULOUS. You got that?

    • Oh my gosh…you are so sweet! We can definitely be blog BFF’s…haha! I love you site and think you are hilarious!!! You make me smile everyday! And thanks for the comments about my running…you rock!

  28. Hi Kelly,
    i dont know if this is helpful for you or not, but consider this. What is your definition of a “runner”? someone who runs? someone runs fast? someone who just loves running? whatever it is, it’s something/someone that you dont see yourself as or having a hard time viewing yourself that. The people you consider as runners are ppl you admire personally and have a lot of respect for.

    To me, loving my body, my spirit, and just me as me is hard. it’s sort of like the “fat talk”. there’s a voice in my head that says mean things, like you’re fat. youre ugly, youre not a runner, youre not good enough, he doesn’t love you, etc. you get what i mean?

    so try this. who is a runner? A runner is a runner. period. thats it. No pace. no miles. no races won. no PRs. just simply, a runner is someone who runs. i think this way, we can all take away the things that make running so complex (like numbers, GPS watches, interval training, peak period, mile repeats, stuff like that) and go back to why we love running. its one of the most simple sports. left foot. right foot. it’s simple. just put on shoes and just run. (heck, you dont even need to put shoes on). just go run when you say so.

  29. I feel the same way. I consider so many of my blog friends my friends. I don’t have a ton in real life and I Feel like all you women give me the much needed support and friendship I need. It’s such a a wonderful community.

    And yes, that surprises the heck out of me. When I see runner in the dictionary, I see a picture of Kelly. You rock girl and you are SO a runner.

  30. First, thanks for the shout out and glad my question was thought-provoking enough to carry over with you to the next week…and i know you read ALOT of blogs (as do i!). But I consider you a friend, and anyone who I have met in the sphere who’s dropped more than 1 comment, i would consider a “friend” of sorts, i would def not hesitate to go out for coffee with anyone who ive met via blogging. In fact, i did it today. and last week tuesday and the week before than on thursday. I figure this is as good as any way to meet people in a new/strange city!

    Anyway as for being a runner, you are if you think you are! It’s all what you think…everyone here thinks you are, but it matters what you think. And sometimes I prefer to define myself as an athlete b/c if i tell people I do yoga, they think i sit around and breathe. Which i do. But i also do alot more than that 🙂 Thus, I am an athlete. As are you!

  31. We’re absolutely friends – I feel as though when we finally do meet (and I hope that we do) we will welcome each other as friends and hug 😀

    And honey, you are a runner. You love to run, you’re good at it, and you do more than a mile at a time. You ARE a runner. 😀

  32. If you’re not a runner, I don’t know who is. If the Barbie people decided to come out with a Runner Barbie, it would be you because you are a Rockstar Runner!!

    Ohh runner by day, rockstar by night lol

  33. YOU”RE A RUNNER! Did that help? 🙂

  34. girl! I consider ME a runner…and hello? I putter out 2-4 miles a day. And that’s it. What IS a runner? Someone who runs. And enjoys it. And that’s what you do! You totally ARE a runner!

    In reality, it’s just a label, and doesn’t even really mean anything. Don’t be tied down by it…just run! 🙂

  35. Its funny you say that, because I totally think of you as a runner.
    I do know what you mean though. Were always hardest on ourselves. That’s ok though, because who else is going to push us to be better?
    I do think you need to give yourself more credit though. I know you don’t like compliments, but you are amazing. The distances you run are incredible.

    Oh, and yah, I consider blog friends to be friends.

  36. Hey girl! I consider you all my friends also : )

    I also consider you a runner! Anyone who does any sort of running is a runner to me



  37. Lady, you are most certainly a runner! I think Evan had a great point about hobbies and labels. I knit for for so I am definitely a knitter. I love to read, and am thus a reader. And guess what? This chicka loves to get her run on, so I am here to proudly proclaim that I am a runner!

  38. What is a runner anyway? I think anyone who puts on their sneakers and gets out there and does what they can to the best of their ability can be called a runner. Whether someone’s best is one mile or 20, it takes a lot of work and I think they’re runners. You’re a runner girl 🙂

  39. […] I say anything else, I have to say THANK YOU to all the amazing comments I got yesterday about my running confession post. You guys are amazing and absolutely made me feel so incredibly lucky to have the support system […]

  40. I consider you a runner 🙂 Only because you umm…like run 10 miles everday woman!!! That would take me 2 hours to do…maybe more 😉

  41. […] Or maybe it was the stars aligning, the super-charged rice lunch I had, the extra water I drank, the lovely compliment Kelly paid me yesterday (she labeled me as a “real” runner), the fact that it was my first time wearing […]

  42. I’m completely surprised you don’t consider yourself a runner!! I definitely don’t consider myself a runner…yet! But I will be one day 🙂
    I think the most important part of your post was where you said you LOVE running. That’s really what matters. How you identify yourself is up to you. Is there a difference between “a person who loves running” and “a runner”?! (There’s lots of things you can be without being a professional too!)

  43. First thought: SERIOUSLY?!!???!!!???
    No offense, you’re completely delusional 🙂
    I looked up your fasted half marathon time on your recap page and 7.76 minutes per mile? And you still don’t consider yourself a runner? You make me look like a crawler! 🙂

    I let myself get caught up in the whole “am I a runner?” thing also. You know what I tell myself? It doesn’t matter how I do compared to others. If it makes me happy and I am running, then yes, I’m a runner. Garmin actually kind of irritates me because according to the graphs on my Garmin, I “jog.” if I’m giving it everything I can, I don’t care what others say, I consider it running. Even if it’s only a 10:00 min/mile pace. I’m not sure if that’ll help at all but I’m hoping after all these comments, you’re changing your mind about this!

    I’m so glad you wrote about the whole “friends” thing. I talk about bloggers more than I talk about people I know in real life. If something big happens, I’m going to tell my readers before people I know in real life. It makes me sad to think about it, but you and all the other people in my blog life are actually my best friends 🙂

  44. I’m glad you started off saying that you think of fellow bloggers as friends…because I feel the same way.

    And I keep waiting for my “Ah Ha” moment when I realize I’m a runner. Right now I feel like someone who just chooses running as a type of cardio a few days a week. And FYI Kelly, in my mind, you ARE a runner. 🙂

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