Posted on August 23, 2010 by Kelly
Hi everyone! I hope everyone is doing well and having a happy day so far. I have an announcement. A sad announcement but one nonetheless. I have decided to end my blog. I feel guilty, almost like I am quitting, and I am NOT a quitter. Dealing with this LONG hand healing process has taught me some things. I haven’t been able to blog because one-handed typing takes a long time and I was forced (kicking and screaming) to take some time away. I have come away with some perspective.
I have my struggles, like everyone, and I have a really hard time with the concept of balance. I tend to go from A to Z and I either do things really well or really badly. There isn’t a whole lot of in-between with me. I give 100% of my effort to everything I do and I take everything very personally. I know it may seem like not such a big thing, but it is. I become all consumed and I let things, important things, go to the wayside. Once I set my mind to something it is as if nothing else matters. Unfortunately, blogging started to fit into that category. I was becoming completely engrossed in this world sometimes to the detriment of my real world. I spent every free minute commenting on other blogs, posting on mine, and furiously not letting my google reader get on top of me. It was almost exhausting. Why I do this? I have no idea? This balls to the wall, all or nothing attitude is just me…a personalitily flaw perhaps.
But these last few weeks have opened my eyes again to a blog free world and what I was missing. Mainly, my husband. I know I gush over and over about what an amazing man I married, but it is true. Keith really is like no one else and he has more than proved those “in sickness or in health” wedding vows during this slow and long recovery process. But what I realized is that I stopped hearing him. I would always have one ear and one eye on my blog and my mind was never 100% with him as he told me stories about his day or a funny thing he heard on the radio that he knew would make me smile. But he never said a word. Not once, because he knew how important my blog was to me. But when I told him I was thinking of giving it up the sheer joy was written all over his face. I could read it plain as day. Yet, all he said was that he would support any decision I made. So, I have made it. I am saying goodbye.
I have a lot of business ideas and Keith and I have some real goals we want to accomplish and I want to put my focus on that. I want to be my husband’s partner as we develop and expand our business. I want to work on that with him by my side in a real and hands on way. I know you all will understand and I want to thank all of you for the love and support you have poured out to me over the last year. I have learned so much and made some true lifelong friends. I wish each and every one of you the best of luck! I will still keep reading some of my favorite blogs and check in from time to time. I know I will miss it and I am already feeling like maybe I don’t want to give this up. But I know I need to and I know I need to focus my energies and efforts on real money making opportunities.
Please feel free to email me, Kelly0412@hotmail.com, as I would love to hear from you. Or find me on Twitter (runnerkelly) or leave me the link to your Facebook page and I will send you a friend request. Please take care and know that I valued this time I had and wouldn’t have traded it for anything.
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Posted on August 18, 2010 by Kelly
Hi guys! Sorry I am not posting regularly or reading blogs as of late. Truth? I have simply lost my mojo. This hand injury has been so debilitating. I can’t even explain. Everything takes twice as long (if not near impossible) and I get so frustrated and angry. Everyday seems like this mountain that I have to climb over and over. I am coping but living with one hand is so hard. My heart goes out to all of those who have a permanent limb loss. They are all officially my heroes! I have decided too, that once I have recovered I am going to find a way to help people who are missing a limb. Be it volunteering or finacially…but something! This has taught me a lot about myself, both good and bad. I hope to be able to channel this into some good when it is all said and done.
An injury update: I went to PT yesterday and met with the therapist and the doctor who performed the surgery. Apparently my body produces next to no scar tissue so this has helped with the swelling and my range of movement. However, because of that my tendon is more likely to tear (due to the lack of protection from scar tissue) and therefore my PT is slowing me down. She said I was doing my PT exercises with too much intensity and I needed to be patient and back off a little. Does this surprise anyone? haha! I didn’t think so. But I will say that it was a tad discouraging.
Onto better news, I have been reading A LOT! I have book reviews! All of these books were given to me by Hilary:
- First, I read Are You There Vodka, It Is Me Chelsea? by Chelsea Handler. This was very funny. Like laugh out loud funny. I would be silently reading and the burst out laughing. It was good, although I was wondering if it was actually 100% true because some of her stories were off the hook.
- Second, I read Best Friends Forever by Jennifer Weiner. I really liked this a lot too. But then again I don’t think I have ever read a Jennifer Weiner book that I didn’t like. The ending was a little cheesy…you know, the “all wrapped up with a pretty little bow” type ending. But it was a feel good read.
- Third, I am about halfway finished with The Lost Recipe for Happiness by Barbara O’Neal. So far this is great!! Hilary said this was just a random buy but it was a good one!
- I am also listening to the book on tape, London is the Best City in America by Laura Dove. I downloaded this to my IPOD because I am allowed to walk on the treadmill in the mornings and I listen to this. It is really really good!
Okay guys, my right hand is officially cramped! One handed typing is HARD!!! But I will post again this week because I have a giveaway…woo hoo! I hope everyone is doing great and hopefully I get my blogging mojo back because I miss you all! Truthfully, blogging is hard with one hand and I sometimes get too discouraged to try. But I am trying!
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Posted on August 15, 2010 by Kelly
Hey everyone. Yes, I am still here. I had a ROUGH week. It became apparent that I was allergic to the pain medication. I was severely nauseous (and I mean SEVERELY) and it made my skin itch so badly that I thought I was going to scrape all my skin off my body. So pain medication stopped and the actual pain set in. Lovely. I then proceeded to develop insomnia only sleeping about 2 to 4 hours a night. Needless to say I have seen my fair share if infomercials. Did you know that you can have rock hard 6 pack abs by using the Ab Shaker Belt? Hum…who knew?
Things are getting a little better. The pain is lessening and the nausea only lasts a few hours each morning. I actually convinced myself I was pregnant due to waves of nausea but a pregnancy test quickly proved me wrong. Thank you Lord! I have been to two PT sessions already and the exercises are excoriating but worth it. It has been determined that my body produces close to no scar tissue so that has helped with the swelling but the downside is that it makes the possibility of retearing that tendon greater and therefore my recovery may take longer than originally expected.
I feel like there are stages of grief no matter how big or small a tragedy may be. I will admit that this has been hard on me and on my family. Keith has been amazing but he is tired. He works, he cooks, he cleans, and he takes care of me. My mood swings have been out of control and yet he just rolls with it. He has loved me every step of this process, he never complains and when I cry he just holds my hand, rubs my head and tells me that he will always be here and that I am doing great. He cheers when I can move my fingers and makes me feel like I have just completed one of those long ago 10 mile runs.
My entire hand has been affected and actually the only finger that actually works with normalcy is the thumb. I am in a splint that stabilizes my entire hand and wrist and I am only allowed to take the splint off when I do my PT exercises. Everything takes twice as long with one arm. Making oatmeal takes sufficiently more time. I need multiple trips the table. Take bowl to kitchen table. Come back for spoon. Come back for coffee. Go back for a napkin, etc…you get the idea. I have now decided that sometimes eating standing up in my kitchen isn’t so bad.
Simple everyday things I took for granted:
- Tying my shoes
- Putting my hair in a pony-tail
- Spreading PB on a piece of bread
- Shaving my underarms
- Putting on a bra
- Grocery Shopping and pushing/steering a cart
And the list could go on and on and on. All of those things are a lot harder or actually impossible to do with only one hand. I have said before and I will say it again: I am humbled.
I want to tell you all thank you from the bottom of my heart. My house is a florist (thanks for all the flowers) and the cards (Anna and Christina…both made me smile) and for everyone that cooked for us. Oh my gosh…having meals made has been a lifesaver. Special thanks to Hilary and Lindsay for running errands for me and Keith and just basically being willing to help out in any way. Thank you. And Hilary…just so you know when I cry, Keith always says, “I need Hilary here to make you smile.” You do girl!
I also need to especially thank Katie and Sarena. The daily emails have been awesome. I know they aren’t always cheery and you two have definitely heard the worst of it, but I feel so grateful to have two people whom I have never formally met be such amazing friends. Thank you. Thank you.
Okay well I need to jump off as my right hand/wrist literally ache from one-handed typing. For everyone who went to HLS this weekend, I hope it was awesome and I am so sad I couldn’t be there to meet so many of you in person. But I am sure I will be reading update after update for a few days.
1 week down…11 to go!
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Posted on August 10, 2010 by Kelly
The pain medicine has worn off...holy batman! All kidding aside kids this is the worst pain I have ever been in.
About 2 hours later. Can you see my eyes...the pain meds are kicking in. It makes me loopy!
Pain medicine in full effect...I can officially say this situation sucks!
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Posted on August 10, 2010 by Kelly
Well I am popping in to say that surgery went well. It was just as the doctor predicted. My inner nerve was severed as well as my upper most flexor tendon. Both were repaired and now I am casted and on heavy pain medication. Keith has been waking me up every 4 hours, as directed, to deliver more pain meds. I am in a foam contraption that keep my arm elevated for the next 48 straight hours to help with swelling. I am in a lot of pain so I am going to keep this short and will come back later with more updates. But for now know that surgery went well and I am just managing the pain.
I also want to say thanks to everyone who sent cards, emails and sweet comments. And to Kenny, Danielle, Janet and Hilary for all taking days and bringing me and Keith food this week. You guys are awesome! We sincerely appreciate it. Poor Keith has definitely been affected too…missing work, taking care of everything. To all of Keith’s clients: THANK YOU for being so flexible!
This is the foam contraption keeping my hand elevated. Keith is calling it my cheese head.
My hand with my thumb sticking out.
The pain medication is starting to kick in so I am going to go back to sleep. The meds make me dizzy and nauseous but thankfully they also knock me out cold. My Dad is coming over later and he offered to type me a post…what a guy. So more later….
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Posted on August 9, 2010 by Kelly
Alright guys I am going in…surgey this morning at 10:30am. I know I am going to be in a lot of pain when I get home but I will try to get Keith to pop in with an update. Wish me luck!! I am scared but excited because today is first day towards recovery! Even if recovery is 3 months…it still starts today!
I hope everyone has a fabulous Monday. If you think about it say a few words for me.
Catch you on the flip side...and please excuse the all natural hair...ick!
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Posted on August 8, 2010 by Kelly
So…since I am going to be one-armed for the next 2.5-3 months I need some books…lots of books! Please tell me your favorite. Keith has agreed to go to Half Price Books for me with a list. So help me out and load me up. I am not doing good guys. I think I spent most of Friday staring out the window counting down the hours until I could take more pain medicine and go to bed. Like my friend, Katie, said, “This sucks.” I am depressed and hoping that maybe getting wrapped up in some books with make me temporarily forget. Thanks guys.
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Posted on August 7, 2010 by Kelly
TO MY MAMA! I wanted to make this post really meaningful but with one hand I am limited…so I guess short, sweet and simple is all I can do.
Happy Birthday Mom! I love you.
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Posted on August 5, 2010 by Kelly
Hey guys. So surgery is Monday at 10:30a.m. I am bummed that it isn’t going to be tomorrow but I am trying not to dwell on what can’t be helped. I did meet with the surgeon this morning and he explained in detail what would happen. The tendon has probably fallen to about mid-palm and so an incision will be made from the middle of my palm to the tip of the pinky. He will reconnect the nerves of the little finger and the tendon. He was quick to remind me that this is going to be a procedure that is going to test my patience. He told me that I will be in a full hand cast (finger tip to elbow) for 48 hours after surgery to ensure no movement of the wrist. (remember yesterday’s anatomy lesson) Then after those 48 hours my hand will be transferred to a splint that will still restrict all movement of the wrist/hand but will allow me to start occupational therapy. The doctor told me to expect to be in the cast for 8 weeks minimum and to expect to not have full use of my hand for 10-12 weeks. That is 3 months people! I might have just teared up while writing that part. The tendon is fragile and the possibility of re-tearing it is extremely high if I do any movements!!
So things to say, I may not be commenting much in blogs but I am still reading. But I am doing all of this with one hand so it is difficult. Please don;’t forget about me!
Here’s what I have learned so far:
- Peeling a banana with one hand is near impossible
- Keith is not the best hair stylist
- Insurance companies SUCK
Challenge: keep your non-dominant hand behind your back and try to prepare a meal or do any normal household activity. That will be me for the next 10-12 weeks. (2 1/2 – 3 months) Do it and report back.
I love you all and thanks for all the support, cards, emails, etc. Keith and I feel very blessed to have such strong prayers coming from so many people!
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Posted on August 5, 2010 by Kelly
Thank you for all the words of encouragement yesterday. It meant the world to me. Truly. I want to explain what medically is going on. The reason my entire hand is in a cast is because I severed the flexor tendon AND the nerve in my pinky finger. But the muscle that controls the tendon (and movement) is in the wrist. Then the tendons extend from the wrists to the fingers. So in an effort to not do further damage AND to heal post surgery I can not move the wrist or my other4 fingers and engage that muscle. Pre-surgery it will cause the tendon to possibly continue falling further down my finger which will only increase the surgery incision. Post surgery it is important to continue to keep that wrist and fingers still because the newly repaired tendon will be tight and any wrist movement engages that muscle and increases the likelihood of retearing the tendon, which requires surgery again. Occupational therapy will strengthen the newly attached tendon and hopefully after 8-10 weeks the cast can come off.
So that is why I am losing use of my left hand. As for working out, the OT said 4 weeks MINIMUM off because this is major hand trauma that will be very swollen. Exercise and sweat will only increase the swelling. The hand also MUST be elevated at all times for at least those 4 weeks. Then she said, depending on my progress we “will see.” Hum. But I will be working out as soon as I am approved.
I have another doctor’s appointment today at 11:00am and AGAIN PLEASE PRAY THAT I CAN HAVE SURGERY ON FRIDAY INSTEAD OF MONDAY! The sooner the better!!
So let’s be real here. I am totally crushed. There, I am. I mean losing the use of my hand is tough. This entire post was written with one hand…see how much I love you guys. I kid. I kid. But really basic things we do everyday take 2 arms and I am definitely humbled. But stubborn and I have been driving Keith nuts by all the things I refuse to let him help me with. Also the not working out part is totally freaking me out. I will be 100% honest, I am terrified I am going balloon up and gain tons of weight. Now logically I know that is not true. I mean I eat really well and I know that is more than half the battle. But emotionally it is a different story. Emotionally I am scared. I guess it is just hard to accept that less than 3 months ago I was running 15 miles with ease and now I have a bum knee and no use of my left arm. I am just floored at how quickly things can change. It is truly humbling.
Thank you for letting me be honest and thank you for letting me express my fears and tell you my thoughts. I struggle with feeling selfish because I know so many people have it a lot worse than me. I know that. But sometimes I think everyone should be able to say, “THIS SUCKS.”
Okay guys…please just hope for another good appointment today and for surgery tomorrow. From everything I have heard this is going to get worse before it gets better. After surgery it is upposed to be pretty painful! But at least it is on the road to recovery….I will be back with updates. Love you guys!
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